"all i ever had was pop music."

I was listening to Radio KYA The Sweetest Music Ever Made,the power had just flickered and oh boy was I pissed, were they fucking turning us off AGAIN. When the radio returned "Where Have All The Flowers Gone" was playing, the version with female voices not the Kingston Trio. It made me think of that music made for each other in 11th grade, the theme was Pretty.

Somehow got lost in appreciating the Pretty in the music, the kind where it surrounds you like you're listening to it on drugs such a 16-year-old thrill you know.
Off in my head thinking about love and what its like when you love someone and they're not in your life anymore- be it time or heartbreak or what have you. And I was thinking about how these things can be Pretty things and Love things even if they are Sad things.

I guess its like on one hand I'm just thinking about love and manifesting it,
as in opposition to hate and power and their cause-effect-manifestation;
I'm reading "The Culture of Make Believe" - its rambling in both overarching and microscopic senses of these things,
so many links and talking points and metaphors and examples-
I just wish to do lines and babble about it ("rap sessions", as I envision)-
more of a scruffy twenty-something thrill than a teenager's.

This other book I am reading "Redefining Our Relationships," the author is so flowery and bothersome- Friends Lovers Partners all the same Interchanging and Each EveryDay Act can be an act of Love of Sexual Intimacy - shared not with just people but with your Cup of Coffee or the Flower you Admire - and each act of Love act of Sex an Expression of Personal Activism...

For reals this lady has got bumblebees and daffodils coming out of her ears tattoos and PolyLit collection.

But I guess what she made me think about was that so many relationships and nonrelationships and loves of all kinds ARE so much more important and valid than perhaps we would like to give credit to-
even if they don't go anywhere or don't last long or aren't in our picture perfect definition of how things Should be or how they Usually are.

I need redefining.
Of course I'm going to feel constantly upset when I place value and rating and prioritization...into things and people and relations where really no such thing can be measured.

#

In the end, I'm just a late bloomer. Because it took me until now to figure out all I really want to be in love with is Morrissey circa 1980 (when he was the same age as me)
and now hes old and falling over and the same age as my parents and this is the sort of crush you're supposed to have when you're sixteen you know when you do drugs and worship music like I was saying.
I guess I am going to the UK next summer