"I will."

I toppled into the Ectory last night screaming MY LIFE IS SO GOOD I CANT SLEEP AT NIGHT

The crisscross of I-5 in both directions

Today I spent my lunch break sobbing on the rim of the lake under the most sunshine of twenty-ten
tears from under the heart-shaped glasses
email atrocity and partner talk everywhere and the ethics of a slut pushed in my lap A Way To Get A Grip and To Feel Things.

okay, so meg, so psyche,
welcome to recovery.

the thing with right now is I feel like HELL I feel like I am being THROWN FROM TRAIN I am being FUCKING PUNCHED OUT
(but i can feel things)
((I CAN FEEL THINGS))

and for once turning Off brain turning On volume IS NOT going to be the way to fix push and HANDLE all that is happening and I can SEE THIS and I AM GOING TO WORK IT right OKAY.


They said, Your Feelings have nothing to do with this process.

He thought, it was okay, 'cuz he was Drunk and Sad and Self-absorbed.

and you Felt,
THIS MAKES ME HAPPY SO IM GOING TO DO IT,
BEYOND ALL LOGIC ALL EXPERIENCE
AND ALL
EVERYTHING
THAT YOU HAVE REFUSED TO FEEL FOR A LONG AND HARD AND GRUESOME SORT OF TIME.


I remember, Little Girl, inventing the thing where I would freeze the moments, I would stop and watch the sky curve around to the horizon and think, one day this moment won't exist any more, one day it'll be just history so I gotta stop and freeze it and make it a memory. Smell hear and grab real tight on what my heart feels RIGHT THIS SECOND.

Some moments I wish I had better frozen Some I wish I could get rid of forever, and most of all, I HATE ALL YOUR WORDS