IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER
Grandmothers may not like Chainsaw tattoos, and Chainsaw tattoos may not go over well in Elementary Schools, but Chainsaw tattoos do a lot for the heart.
When your father proves to have a penchant for strangling people and attacking cars with axes, and he disowns you via text message, he just may be a psycho, and it may be just fine to identify as having "Daddy Issues"
Cigarette butts are not biodegradable, it is dumb to have believed that for six or seven years, ever since someone told you and was obviously trying to make fun of you, duh.
The Free Willy song will never be performed again, but it will sing forever in my heart.
I should never ever go on cruises.
Similarly, I should never ever drink Woo-Woos.
And Similarly some more, puking in an outhouse in the Alaskan wilderness really, really sucks.
It is a bad idea to scrub yourself with tumeric when you are very drunk and you have been freak dancing all night and you have some irrational paranoia of having Scabies. Unless you have nothing better to do than be bright yellow.
Irrationally deciding to cut important people you love out of your life is not a good idea.
Making things better with important people you love is a very very good idea.
If you live on tallboys 27s hangoverjunkfood and Performance Drugs, you will definitely in fact totally lose your mind.
Prince and Dolly Parton are still immensely better than anyone else, ever. Duh.
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Some Things I Learned, too:
Road trips are fun for the whole family, especially when done in good company
Don't go inside burned down shacks to take pictures, you WILL step on a nail and your foot WILL get infected
Try not to fall in love with anarchists; a brick through the heart causes a lot more damage than through a bank window
When you get a bunch of crustpunk ailments, this does not necessarily reflect a unhygienic lifestyle, just some unlucky circumstances.
Basic compromise can be a wonderful way to get along with fathers. No more tattoos in exchange for no more racist/sexist remarks has worked out favorably.
Like Magoo learned the hard way, never cruise. Ever.
Listen to a lot of Kate Bush and a lot of Husker Du whenever you don't know what to listen to
Love each other a lot.
Living with little kids is a beautiful and inspiring thing to do. So is seeing one born.
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