all about love

i am having the epiphany thing that we read and write about sometimes. i sat across from my friend jason at the booth in the back bar of the voyeur, silently getting heady drunk off three beers, out of my mouth came swirling thoughts on love and life and i am realizing my idea of love is changing, i thought once oh boy this is love, tru love that i am in, but now i know or am learning that love and in love and to love is not something that you just do or happens to you, it is something stupid, a stupid phrase that we all hear and think about and want to get at, we have this ridiculous notions of what we have to do to ourselves to get our chance at love, and so often that phrase is used to deceive people and make bad things happen in your hearts or heads or wherever you get feelings. i think you don't tell someone you love them, someone has to feel you loving them and maybe we can come up with a new word for that, that love or in love or whatever, so that all of the negative things that cause hurting don't have to come along with it, jason he said he wants to live in a society where there are just friendships, and people are figuring out the different levels of their friendships with each other and it doesn't have to be this limiting partnership where it's fate and destiny and you will fall deeply into love and that's it, you have your love for the rest of your life. Because that sucks, and isn't creative, and it's like mythology, or an urban legend or something. the next thing i fall into well i want it to be a mosh pit and i want my crew members there hoisting me up. i am excited to know someone who redesigns society all of the time in his head or in his conversations. i am excited to be a part of a crew that has interesting brains and big hearts behind it. i also think that hangovers are morphing into something near enjoyable because my brain is looser and lets more weird stuff out.