twenty years in the making

I am so annoyed that I cannot sleep. Why can I not sleep. I feel like this always happens on the dawning of my birthday. I am awake and I do not know why. Oh. mygod. Its bad too. I already have a terrible problem with hindsight. I could look through it forever and never come up for air or Real.

Here I am, lost back in time two or three years ago (it was three now that I think about it) in a house on 11th avenue where I am too stoned to move or understand how i know this kid that keeps talking to me, this is the first time, i am stuck in this house and everything after that, all these people these faces, faces faces faces-
and theyve been there somewhere always been here but i forget now im back in really cold snowbanky cigarettey whiskeyland Minnesota where people talk too loud and slow
and there are bros who bleed purple and take dips with flannel

and where was i three years ago when i was dumb and turning seventeen and made myself a mini drama
and oh look

hindsight

i learned alot since then i guess

-

but then i think again to dark cold winterpasts
and think of dudezone and the red glow on wood floors and Purple Rain or 40classic hits (or whatever that record was called, i know csank could correct me really easy)
and how much i TooMuch drank and how the care we had for each other was weird and Off a bit but in a way I cant describe

faces faces faces
why am i awake.

no really. i think its weird that i went to the minnesota state fair and saw people i knew. i think its weird that this kid i met in the glen knows this girl that looks like me in minneapolis. i think its weird that you cant escape olympia in cities that are actually big. i think its weird that how many years have passed? really?

-

i dont know why im awake
i hope twenty year old meg is as lucky as the seventeen year old one. less crew more prosperity i dont know though heres hoping.