Back on Track

so mexico has calmed down my nerves and given me a new kind of hope and love for the exciting things that will unfold in the days to come upòn my return to olympia. I can´t wait to start on getting a new gallery open. Things are heating up here. Ran into Am´´lee and she is dating a mime. He paints himself solid gold and he did a mime act infrot of the whole town square where he delivered her mail, it was very romantic. I hope that Meg doesn´t move soon.

Where do I even begin?



Becca and I were sitting outside the Bread Peddler last weekend, I had just gotten back, barreling North on I5 past varying degrees of river and gorge, X on real loud, wrappers from New Seasons askew, Coffee Coffee and all the sunglasses.
My second spring break, i just returned,
and we're sitting outside The Bread Peddler the fancy cafe seating, I say,
"Its like I'm living this make believe sort of life,"
and she laughs "I think you Are."

Locked in my attic room reading dispatches from the 90sindiescene, birth stories straight from the heart of my very own little town. If this is not really Olympia in 1992 I can at least pretend so. Scene-fueled vay-cay to D.C. up next.

This whirling tour of Texas, Portland, Seattle I have made of my life, and these plans for the next few months-Minneapolis Chicago Orcas Island and Beyond-
A true product of 90s mainstream thirdwave, I CAN DO ANYTHING GO ANYWHERE BE ANYBODY

So excited.

Its funny I guess. Today is the 5year anniversary of meeting my soul mate
and in this way,
becoming the person I am, the life I have, you know,

its insane whats happened and most of it I never would have planned for.

So its crazy to me that we are setting a date,
JULY TWENTY-SEVENTH,

and I am leaving Olympia.

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING TO HAPPEN.

A million directions.

"I told you your dreams would come true"

The kinds of purple flowers Paxton tucked behind his ears because they bloomed all over Salt Lake City just like home-
now mashed in a moleskin i drew all over.
scrawling about the people we met,
the anarchy posterboy from NewOrleans who dumpstered everything and came to everyparty,
the Rockstars from Paris, whom we sat with in the treetops of the hillcountry seeing all of lit-up Texan cityscape, the slumlord who reminded me of a beer brewer bro i h8
the girl with a scratchy voice and little dog just returned from New York,
the entourages of the bands from the label who we saw day after day who all dressed the hippest the profesh music bloggers fancy people with badges.


I clomped along the highway in tall grass and muddy boots
the air smelled like BBQ
I could feel Sissy Hankshaw flowing to my bones
Many cows prairies taco trucks and skulls,


The most happiest kind of girl.

do you all believe in the looking back to old photos and letters and RE doing them within the images in your mind that you remember?  it's all i want to do lately, found a portrait of my mom on her honeymoon and i'm painting it in bright blue and silver and she has long dark hair, like she did but also like she didn't.  

i think what i'm doing here is i'm trying to find some reconciliation between the reality of lived experience and what memory shows us, it's surely an adventure and perhaps i'll have something to show for it along the way, like the time i was putting my pieces of my own photos onto photos of my fathers from when he was young and understood something else, and writing a story about what i was seeing.  i like getting caught up in understanding the past with what i am feeling today but i wonder how much looking back i can do without moving forward, really

i am floating in water in space in an armchair, sleeping soundly and will not hear the waves when they come crashing in on me

"wa oh wa ooooh wa oh oh oh woah wa oh wa ooooh wa oh oh oh woahwa oh wa ooooh wa oh oh oh woahwa oh wa ooooh wa oh oh oh woah"

once upon a time:

These were my cronies



this was my partner in life

this is what my brain was like

the book that changed your life.

I was walking over the bridge to work and there was the mountain coming out of the morning fog clouds and there were the trees all along the port pink with flowers, they were BLOOMING and I got so excited I shrieked through my headphones, there was a biker behind me who got scared and hopped into shoulder lane
I told David about it in such a way later I was waving my hands with emphatic exclamation and I think I hit him
I MEAN CHERRY BLOSSOMS AND SUNSHINE LIKE APRIL AND MAN OH MAN THE SMELLS OF RAINS!
I went with the kiddos to see Crayon Court today- " a multi-media musical puppet extravaganza exploring COLORNOMETRY diversity and recycling" . . . this is the third theater production I have seen in the last week (+ Leyendas de Duende, Wizard of Oz), REALLY this is my LIFE it is just crazy, Freedom Train and Charlotte's Web as part of OJP over the next couple weeks and in twelve days I leave for Texas...
Its great you know this "YOUNG PROFESSIONAL" sort of thing, like what I spend all my $$$ on music coffee and grand adventures, and of course my slummy house which I realized I love dearly all seven of us all the trash on the front porch and the fact that I really don't believe I ever get my mail...
I made a MySpace MUSIC for Pitted Youth because FUCKING OKAY, this is punk music I fucking BELIEVE IN,
I spent this week planning my community cafe, getting tattooed, working on this strange personal project of economic schools of thought dissection,
and gee last weekend was so great you know that too right,
I had this wonderful time wondering around the woods having fantastic conversations with drunk people and hunkering down the back of the Voyeur with a bunch of dudez and going deep on the loom of last call,
I'm just so fucking excited you know, I'm just so into getting my hands on these two epic dance beats I was obsessed with in high school, I'm just so into figuring out how to be a greasy-spoon diner waitress its all I want to do with this M.ED. I am pursuing...



And its like, does anyone care about whats whirring about my head and how great my existance is, anymore than they care about anything else I might have to narrate or express,
Wellfucking of course not,
BUT I JUST HAVE TO TELL YOU
BECAUSE GEEZ OH GEEZ I JUST CANT CALM DOWN!#!#!

(thank you scoot, SLuTBall, and alcoholics everywhere)

all I can think about it is
"Life just gets...real beautiful, man...."

I can't even handle it.

No matter what keeps occurring
or seemingly sets out to destroy me

(No matter what level I stoop to before realizing what I am fucking putting myself through (LESSON LEARNED))

I AM JUST SO FUCKING GREAT YOU KNOW?

I keep feeling so overwhelmed that I can't stop or calm down or even for a second doubt that this is REALLY FUCKING HAPPENING.

I am just beaming.




Next stop Texas, the Stars and Beyond-

Really, nothing can stop me.