Ricky don't feel.

Today I got the pancakes at New Moon Cafe for the first time. They had Blackberries in them. It is weird that I was trying to be a vegan again, and then I went to the reef with Meg and had a puke-out and veganism slipped through the cracks.  I feel like I need to have another go at it, it was part of my life for so long I can't just let go of it because I have been a little depressed for a few days. The puke-out was fun though, only I have a sickness now that I am fighting. I was on my way to go buy some oranges when sarahstacy came running up behind me and wanted to go to breakfast. So the orange money is gone. But that's okay, I got tea that can be the cure. I really enjoy those little books at new moon were you are supposed to write your secrets. Yesterday in class a fellow who graduated from evergreen showed pictures he had taken in Iraq and elsewhere around the globe. He had zip off pants. That was probably the best part of his church-like presentation. 

"I mean, I'm not out to please anybody." 

I am wanting to go back to the medical study: 1)I am almost broke. 2) I would be doing the same-thing there that I am doing now (laying around) 3) I would be able to hangout with people I will never see again but will think about for years to come. 4) I need a fucking retreat. 5) No opinions necessary. 6) Bad attitudes encouraged. 7) Don't have to talk when the timing's wrong . 8) Can blog about it.  

time to switch slacking into sprocketing:

So we have been rather heartless in our recent dedication to the blog. I am sad to see that it has come to this and I hope that there will be some sort of effort twoards it's revival. I skipped philosophy class today, bad knews for this early in the quarter. But I did need to soak in the bath and bed with a brain full of highschool nostaliga.

Killian has glasses and he likes games. He is nine. He has trouble dealing with frustration and conflict, though he has gotten better about the meltdowns. I taught him how to breathe deep. He has two sisters. They all used to get sent to the office with lice, together. Their dad Argued No its Dandruff. He wouldnt come get them from school.

Yesterday Killian walked up to me with open arms. Fourth grade boys don't do this much. He wrapped himself around me and held on for dear life.
Lately I have noticed that I am the perfect height for little heads to rest on the curve of my hip. I hug Killian back real tight, his face warm on my side. It gives me that feeling I get like when I am jealous when I see pregnant women.

Killian sighs, he says, "My mom used to hug me"

and I say She Doesn't Anymore?

"No", he says, like this is normal, like if I asked if he liked baseball or if he wanted dessert or if it was raining out.
When Moms dont even Hug you I dont even know that to think.

Well Then I Guess We'll Have to Hug Like This Every Single Day! i reply

and he smiles goofily and pushed his glasses up his nose

and he runs off to playWizards Chess

and I stand next to the coloring table turning over how this makes me feel.

just got a phone call from my father saying that my cell phone is being cancelled at the end of the month. But if I didn't have a cell phone he could not have called me to tell me that. So the news isn't all that bad. I will just station myself at cafe vita. constantly. 

I hope the sun has some nurturing qualities.

i may have made this viewable to scary bros with guns-
so until i figure it out for sure, were blogging undercoverinsecret

whoseblog

i really want to take the time to read all of this stuff that has been posted of late, it looks really really good, it seems as though writing for real has transcended itself into blogging for real and i am very proud of you all.

i am going to take time and read these things this weekend and i am going to post a longish blog about what happened this week because it's important to get it out and not be sad and angry and to blog and let it out into the blogosphere, although i think i can't let it all out because i have a trial in october.

i loveyou all.